Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Albert Einstein
If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.”

Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.


Phyllis Diller
Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.”

Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

Mark Twain
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.


Albert Einstein
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

George Carlin
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.


Cathy Guisewite
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”


Winston Churchill
They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.”


John Green, Looking for Alaska
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?”

Jerry Seinfeld
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.”

Rodney Dangerfield
Ek Kana Ladka Kisi Ladki Ko
Propose Kare To Kaun Sa Gana Gayega???????
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Ek Nazar Se Bhi Pyar Hota Hai Maine Suna Hai…..
Funny Quotes


Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.


Ashleigh Brilliant
Funny Quotes


People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child? Well, no, I was an accountant..

Ellen DeGeneres quotes
Funny Quotes


The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.

Robert Paul
Funny Quotes



Sweden's previous Minister of Justice amused the Americans on her visit. Her name is Gun Hellsvik,

pronounced "gun hells week.

Ronny Eriksson
Funny Quotes


All racists who are prepared to die for their country, please do that now.


Myself


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